Kitchen
by MichelleKelly
Summary: Prompt fic. Shera and Tifa celebrate Shera's birthday and she explains to Tifa how she got Cid to buy her a new kitchen. Cid tries to cook a birthday dinner, fails, and winds up eating cat food. Tifa confronts Cloud naked. Humor, borderline crack fic. Prompts: Tifa, Shera, Cloud, cooking failure, destruction, fire, cover up, 'you just ate cat food'. T for language and nudity.


Kitchen

Prompts: cooking failure, 'you just ate cat food', fire, cover up, destruction

Character prompts: Tifa, Shera, Cloud

"Here's your birthday drink Shera, now you going to tell me how you got Cid to buy you a new kitchen?" Tifa asked, sliding a glass of red wine towards the brunette.

"Well, it's technically not a new kitchen, but a remodel," Shera corrected. Tifa rolled her eyes.

"How did you manage it though?" Tifa reiterated. Shera took a drink.

"Well, I found out it's very easy to get what I want if I'm naked when I'm asking for it," she answered with a giggle. "That's how he got roped into cooking dinner," Tifa snorted a laugh.

"Haven't tried that tactic yet, what else have you roped him in too?" she asked pouring a second glass of wine for herself.

"Well, the kitchen was the big thing- and the first. I also got him to agree to new curtains, and to put a heater in the workshop," she rattled off.

"Go big or go home," she remarked.

"I've been asking for a new kitchen for years! The cabinets are falling apart, there's cigarette burns everywhere! I hate it, so when he told me I could have whatever I want, I went for it, and he agreed! I think he just wanted to see me jump up and down with excitement!" she muttered starting to feel tipsy from the glass of wine she'd nearly finished. Tifa refilled the glass.

"I think..." Tifa started, taking a drink, "That Cid's been in love with you for a long time, and we both know he'd never admit to that. Anyway, I think he's been waiting a long time to see you naked to the point that he just caves whenever he does, and I think he also feels bad about being such an asshole for so long" she guessed. Shera snorted and lit a cigarette.

"He told me that looking at me naked makes his brain stupid," she giggled out.

"Oh hell Shera, that's hilarious," Tifa cried out with a laugh, throwing an ashtray on to the bar. "I wish Cloud had that reaction sometimes," she mused, drinking a portion of her glass. Tifa leaned in closer. "So, Vincent told me that one morning Cid was wearing your nightshirt, is that true?" she asked, stifling her chuckles. Shera burst out laughing.

"Oh no! That's not fair! Vincent wasn't even supposed to be there! Cid left him sleeping on the Highwind, and he showed up in the morning wondering what was going on! Thankfully I remembered my robe, Cid however did not, and he came downstairs in my purple nightshirt with the cat on it, and Vincent asked about it and Cid was just like "yeah I appear to be wearing it, so what?" and he looked so hilarious in it Tifa, you have no idea, I made him promise to never wear it again," she explained, red faced and with a smile. Tifa reached under the bar and grabbed a second bottle of wine, they were drinking rather quickly, but for Shera, it had been a long time since she'd been out to a bar especially by herself.

"He still calls me jailbait," Shera slipped out with a giggle. Tifa laughed with her and told her to ash her cigarette.

"You're like 10 years younger than him right?" Tifa asked.

"Almost 11 actually. I was barely 16 when I started working for Shinra," she clarified. Tifa shook her head and refilled Shera's glass again. She snuffed out her cigarette. "I'm going to come home to a kitchen that's on fire," she remarked still in a fit of laughter.

"You're getting a new one anyway, let him burn it down. We both know he can't cook. Just let him prove himself," Tifa stated.

Meanwhile, back at the house Cid was looking up a tutorial on how to make spaghetti. After googling _how to boil water_ he finally started. Putting the pot on the burner he turned up the flame and watched it until it bubbled. Then he took the spaghetti and put it in the water. Setting a timer he pulled a chair up to the stove and sat down, determined not to fuck up the dinner. 11 minutes became 10, then 9 and Cid began to nod off in his chair. The alarm went off and he didn't hear it. Soon, he became uncomfortably warm and woke up to see flames coming out of the pot and climbing up the cabinet.

"SHIT!" he screamed, grabbing for the fir extinguisher. He put out the flames, turned off the stove and admired his handiwork. The pot had burned clean through, the cabinet above the stove were burned black, and one of the doors had burned entirely through. "Well fuck," he muttered. Grabbing the phone he ordered take out before he tried to clean up his mess. Picking up the take out he plated it and took the containers and the burned out pot and buried them in the yard. Returning to the house he debated what to do with the scorched cabinets. If Shera saw them, she'd know for sure that he'd fucked up dinner. He emptied them onto the counter and pulled them off the wall before burying them next to the take out and destroyed kitchenware before he took a quick shower and waited for Shera to come home. She was only supposed to be gone for one drink….

Two bottles of wine in and the women couldn't stop laughing about various things, from childhood blunders to the habits of their partners.

"Do you know how many burns I have on my floor because Cid drops cigarettes like appleseeds? I'm almost tempted to ask for burn proof floors next," she snorted out. Tifa added to it.

"Cloud and q-tips. I find them fucking everywhere Shera! And cotton balls! He keeps them in his pockets and I don't know why,"

"Little Peter Cottontail..." Shera started before erupting into laughter. Once they had calmed down, Shera sighed. "I better get home and see if the kitchen is on fire," she said. They said their goodbyes and Shera made her way home. (AN/ for Cloud and Tifa scroll ¾ of the way)

By the time she had gotten home Cid had gone on a rampage. All of the dishes and food were stacked on the counters and tables. He'd torn down nearly all the cabinets that hung on the walls. All the remained were the ones below the counter. _Well the house isn't on fire,_ Shera thought. Finally the Captain turned around.

"'bout time you got home, I got bored waitin'" he remarked "Did ya have a good time at ta bar?" he lit another cigarette. Her eyes landed on the table. There was food, and it wasn't burned.

"I did. Did you actually make dinner Captain?" she asked. He smiled and ashed his cigarette.

"I sure did, an' I didn't even burn down the kitchen," he boasted. She sat down at the table. "Happy Birthday, now don't say I kin't cook," he added.

"It looks good, but why are you tearing apart the kitchen? The remodel doesn't start until tomorrow," she asked picking up a fork. Cid crushed out his cigarette and looked around.

"I got bored, I put the cabinets in the garage for now, now eat yer dinner, it's probably cold," he admonished. Shera took a bite. It was still warm, but it tasted familiar. She'd had this before.

"You made this?" she asked, skeptical. She couldn't place it right away but she knew that he didn't make it.

"Sure did, wasn't too hard either," he answered confident that she would never find the evidence.

"Then why is the jar of sauce still on the counter?" she asked, knowing she only had one jar of pasta sauce. Cid was stymied. He began to stutter, "You got this from the diner on the edge of town didn't you?" she prodded. Cid threw his arms up.

"Fine! Ya fuckin' caught me. I fell asleep makin' dinner so I ordered take out, didn't think ya would figure it out, I thought the kitchen would distract ya from dinner," he confessed. Shera laughed.

"Did you start a fire?' She inquired. That he would not confess too.

"No, I didn't fuck up that bad," he defended. She took another bite of food and looked around. There were too many giveaways aside from the kitchen being torn apart, Shera could smell that there was a fire. She doubted he could smell it because of his chronic chain smoking.

"There's burn marks on the ceiling," she told him, bringing up the biggest piece of evidence. "And unlike you, I can smell it," she added.

"Goddamnit Shera! Ok! I can't cook, I set the kitchen on fire! I tried cleanin' it up, I tried coverin' it up and hid the evidence, but I failed," he finally admitted. She continued laughing.

"I knew you would, I just knew it! Oh, Captain you'd starve without me," she remarked. Cid flopped down and began devouring his plate of food.

"Nah, I'd just order take out," he defended, refusing to admit that she was right. She shook her head and continued eating.

"What did you do with the cookware you destroyed?" she finally asked, getting up and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Cid looked down at his now empty plate.

"I buried it in the yard," he confessed in a low tone. Shera stifled a giggle. She loved that he went to such lengths to hide something so trivial, rather than admit he couldn't do something. It was similar to something a kid would do, but the way he did was so innocent when he could have been devious and deceptive about it. For the next hour Cid and Shera emptied the cabinets.

"I'm going to take a shower, can you finish the cabinet under the sink?" she asked with a yawn. All the wine was making her sleepy, but she still had plans for the night.

"Yeah, I think there's still room on the table in the hall," he agreed. She headed upstairs while he began to empty sponges and rubber gloves and cleaner from the cabinet. The last thing in there looked like a cereal container and was filled with what looked like oat bran. Cid opened the lid and gave it a sniff. It didn't smell bad. He decided to have a bowl to find out if it was stale. Pouring milk over it he took a bite. It wasn't oat bran, he couldn't place what the taste was, but it didn't taste bad, it was almost a smokey taste. He put the container on the table to ask Shera about it. He was almost through the bowl of food when Shera came down the stairs in a blue robe, her hair wrapped up in a towel.

"Shera, so what's this cereal you were keepin' under the sink? And why was it there?" he asked holding up the container before returning to the little that was left in his bowl. Shera looked dumbfounded.

"Captain are you eating that?" she inquired in exasperation?

"Yeah, it's not bad, tastes kind of weird for cereal though," he told her. She put her face in her hands.

Oh no! Cid! That's not cereal, you just ate cat food," she cried. Immediately, he looked into what was left in his bowl. Cat food? Why? It took a moment for Cid to process what she had just told him. He put down his bowl and grabbed a beer from the fridge to wash the taste out of his mouth.

"Shera….why the fuck do we have cat food, we don't even have a cat," he proclaimed. Again she put her head in her hands and sighed. This only confused Cid.

"Captain, I've had a cat this entire time. How have you never noticed? There's a litterbox in my room, not to mention a big white fluffy animal walking about?" She proclaimed. Thinking back he had seen Shera with a white fluffy ball from time to time, but he never thought it was an animal, he never saw it move or get up. He had assumed it was just a pillow, especially because most of the time he saw it, it was on chair.

"In all honesty Shera, I thought the white furry thing I've seen was a pillow. It never really moved, I've never seen it eat or walk around. I don't pay attention," he admitted. She was stupified. It was so endearing to find out that he thought her cat was a pillow. Shera called for the cat, and heard the patter of small paws coming down the stairs.

"Her name is kitty," Shera told him as the large white fur ball rubbed up against her legs. She picked up the cat, and showed her off. "She's a big girl, but she's lazy and she's starting to get old so she doesn't move around or play like she used too. She just loves to lay around," she explained. Cid gave the fluffball a chin scratch.

"Sorry, I ate yer food kitty," he apologized, giving her an ear scratch as well. "almost ten years and I didn't even notice ya existed." Shera set her down on the floor. She climbed up on the chair and curled into a ball. "See, she looks like a fuckin' pillow," he pointed out. Shera agreed.

"Why don't we go upstairs and finish celebrating," she suggested, heading for the stairs with Cid in close tow.

Back at Tifa's home she was making a cup of sleepy tea for Marlene and Denzel when one of the kitchen cabinet doors came off the hinges. Tifa sighed and set the door on the floor. Next she went to grab spoons, only to have the drawer handle come off, forcing her to open the drawer with a spatula. She was so tired of everything falling apart. Giving the kids their tea she returned to the kitchen and pulled off all the loose doors and handles and left them in a pile on the floor. After she knew that the children were asleep she undressed and called Cloud in from the office. He entered the room to find her naked and leaning against the counter with a pile of debris in front of her.

"What….are...What is going on?" Cloud stuttered out, his eyes going from the pile of debris, to her, then to the also naked cabinets.

"This kitchen is falling apart," she stated crossing her arms under her ample chest. Cloud couldn't stop starting at her pale skin, he tried looking elsewhere but always focused back.

"I know...it's been that way for a while," he mumbled out. Tifa took a deep breath.

"I want a new kitchen. I can't properly cook for you and Marlene and Denzel this way," she stated flatly. Cloud was unaware that he was nodding in agreement.

"I….that's expensive Tifa,' he stumbled. "We'd need to do it ourselves in order to afford it." Tifa smiled. It was working.

"I have no problem doing the work myself, but we need new cabinets, counters and a new layer of paint. Cloud, you wouldn't even have to help me. I'll do all the installation myself," she volunteered, leaning forward so he could see more of her.

"If you're ok with doing the work I think we can do it," he stated, starting to get a hold of his bearings, and beginning to wonder why she was naked. She jumped up and down with excitement and he forgot what he was about to ask.

"Oh that's wonderful Cloud, I'll head to the hardware store tomorrow," she exclaimed while he tried to regather his thoughts. There was a length of silence.

"Why are you naked?" he finally asked. She smiled at him and walked over. Taking his hand she led him back to their bedroom without an answer.

AN/ ok, here's another prompt fic. I ended up merging a few of them together because I'm so behind which is why this one has so many prompts on it. (this is 3 different prompt pulls) so this fic alone should get me almost caught up. (I still have a Zack Fair prompt pull, and an Integra Hellsing pull to do) I've been having a high pain day and this was a decent distractions. Hope you enjoyed. Please drop a review if you can. I'll see you in the next fic XoXO MK


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